DEFCON G

The Oval Office
"Mr. President! Mr. President! We have a-"

"The president isn't here, General."

"Where is he? He has to see this intel immediately!"

"He's behind the house shooting hoops with the girls."

"Damn, he's cool- I'll go get him. Assemble the cabinet in the briefing room!"

The White House Lawn
"Mr. President! Mr. Presi...nice layup, Malia...Mr. President, we have a situation."

"Yes?"

"Sir, I've already placed all our strategic forces on DEFCON 1."

"TELL ME WHY, GENERAL."

"Sir, we've lost track of-"

"My God, not the Jupiter-II...how could they have known?"

"No sir, not the Jupiter-II...worse."

"No......"

"Sir, we've lost our trace on Ghostface Buddha."

"Assemble the Joint Chiefs, summon the cabinet, now tell me-"

"Already done, sir."

"Tell me everything we know."

"Sir, at 0450 our tracking units in the Indian Ocean reported signal intelligence that Ghostface Buddha has abandoned his travel-writing job and-"

"What does this mean, General?"

"Sir, that's the last the tracking units heard. We believe he's still in India, and he's gone rogue."

"Dear....God. Forget the cabinet. You have Green Light."

"At once sir!"

**All commands, phase readiness from DEFCON 1 to DEFCON G. The Turkey is out of the Oven. I repeat, we have Rampant Poultry. The Turkey is out of the Oven. Over**.

**All commands...God save us all. Over and out.**