Faizabad

Fuck Faizabad.

My greatest wish is for a Faizabad-sized alien mothership to blow this place away a la Independence Day with a plasma cannon. No, I lie. My greatest wish is to get the fuck out of Faizabad. I returned to the train station to tell the ticket office that I wanted to trade an essentially worthless gamble "wait list" ticket for a useful ticket to "literally anywhere but here." When I got back to the prison-like Reservations Office, there were this time not one but two cows within, and they both pissed on the floor. This sums up my experience with Faizabad. I hated Faizabad even before I got stuck here, and now I am trapped in this shithole for another THREE DAYS. Fuck Faizabad for all eternity. Allow me to list just a few of Faizabad's numerous shortcomings as a center of human civilization:

Faizabad has the charm of a burnt pork rind.

Being in Faizabad is less adventurous than watching the 2am timeslot on QVC.

Faizabad has the topography of linoleum and the biodiversity of an Oklahoman prison cell.

Faizabad is less interesting than a Country Music Awards afterparty.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn could write a book about Faizabad called The Lameness Atoll, but this book would be boring.

If Faizabad were a woman it would audition for Rock of Love but not be cast.

200,000 people live in Faizabad, presumably by accident.

Faizabad is host to fewer worthwhile cultural events than Pripyat, Ukraine.

If Faizabad were a food it would be a bowl of salted lettuce

Faizabad is less memorable than the film Home Alone 3

Faizabad is as relevant as Shia LeBouef's views on professional lacrosse.

If Faizabad could cling to rocks, lichen would grow on it by mistake.

When one attempts to think about Faizabad, one's mind drifts instead to guessing the volume of empty buckets.

If Faizabad were a video game it would be the demo version of Windows Notepad.

If Faizabad hosted the Olympics, every athlete would compete in one event -Leaving- and the gold medal would be awarded to people for never fucking coming.