Tao Te Bling

I.
The Way that can be told of is not an Unvarying Way:
The names that can be named are not unvarying names
The Way that is nameless some call Tao.
The Tao in truth is called Melvin;
It is Melvin that is nameless.

II.
It was from the Nameless which is neither Tao nor Melvin
    but more Melvin than Tao
    that Heaven and Earth sprang.
And it was Heaven whence came the real OG's.

III.
It is because everyone under Heaven recognizes beauty as beauty
    that the idea of ugliness exists.
It is because all know a Baller for what he is
    that there can be Haters who hate.
Just so, if every one recognized virtue as virtue
    this would merely open new gates of virtuelessness;
That is where the Baller comes in.
For truly, Hustle and Bitching grow out of one another...
Difficult and Easy balance one another...
High and Sober determine one another...
Husband and Wife test one another...
Wife and Floozie-On-The-Side complete one another...
Foreplay and After-Snuggle give sequence to one another.
Therefore the Baller relies on Actionless Activity,
     effortlessly doing what others say must be hard,
     and is, but he makes look easy.
The Baller carries on wordless teaching:
     Balling.

IV.
Pour a tequila flask  to the very brim
And you will wish you had stopped in time.
Polish a pinky ring to its very finest
And you will find it soon grows dull.
When stacks of Franklins fill your hoarding-hall
They can no longer be made to rain.
Women and liquor breed carelessness;
That brings babies in its train. 
Before the deed is done, withdraw!
Such is Heaven's Way.

V.
 As the heavy must be the foundation of the light,
     so idleness is lord and master of activity.
Truly, a man of consequence, though he travels all day,
    will not let himself be separated from his BlackBerry.
However magnificent is the corner-office view,
    he sits quiet and disconsolate.
How much so then,
    must a true Baller be lighter than those around him!
If he is heavy, he is naught but foundation,
     and the spirit is lost.
Best to be light;
Float as though borne by a palm leaf upon the ocean.
The ocean we call Sex
The palm leaf we call Drugs.

VI.
Can you keep the unquiet physical-soul from sleeping,
     hold fast to the Unity, and never quit it?
Can you, when concentrating your breath,
    pass a roadside inspection?
Can you wipe and cleanse your vision of the Mystery until you know
    where you were the night before?
Can you love the people and rule the land, yet not forget
    your cell phone at the bar?
Can you in opening and shutting the Heavenly Gates,
    find your pants thereafter?
Fueling your appetites, then feeding them;
Doing dumb shit, but not being made to lay claim to it;
Impairing your wits, but always having your wits about you;
Buck wildin', but having everything under control;
That is called the Mysterious Power.

VII.
In Tao the only motion is Balling;
The only quality, flava.
For although it is said all creatures under Heaven and Earth
     are the product of Melvin
We mislead you earlier:
Melvin itself is the product of Balling.
Balling produced Melvin behind a pool hall in Jacksonville, Florida.
Ask Melvin's mother.